


Anchor Me

by yellowpretendingtobered



Series: Milligan's Bar [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Gen, Karaoke, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 20:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpretendingtobered/pseuds/yellowpretendingtobered
Summary: Anchor by Mindy Gledhill





	Anchor Me

“I’m the one, ‘Cause I’m still here. I’m still here.” Caitlin finishes the final notes of her song to the sound of resounding applause. And a few whistles from Barry, Cisco and Mick. Looking around to his own friends Merlin applauds with the like as he thanks the bartender, Teddi. Teddi winks at him with her pretty brown eyes. If Merlin weren’t so stuck of his Once and Future King then his first stop would be at Teddi's door.

Coming to Milligan's bar has been a rapturous change for them. Since returning to their memories of each other everyone has held closely to one another in hopes of living this new life to the fullest. Being gifted a second chance to make peace has not been a wasted opportunity. In their first life Merlin had never felt it was the right time to tell Arthur the true depths of his feelings. 

Here, now, was the perfect time. Gwen was happy in this time married to Lancelot. Pregnant with their first child, they cannot wait to welcome young Elyan to the world; named for her brother who passed earlier this year to cancer. Merlin had offered to heal him, though they had made many attempts, in the end there was nothing to be done. Arthur, himself, had yet to express affection for anyone. He proved excessively happy to see Gwen married to Lancelot, going so far as to officiate the nuptials himself while Merlin stood up as best man. 

Walking back from the bar Merlin passes by the vigilante's table. Stopping to say hi, he knocks elbows with Tommy getting the man’s attention. “Merlin!” Tommy greets with a sunshine smile. “Caity is fantastic isn’t she?” 

“She’s amazing,” Merlin smiles back. “How did things go with your coffee shop owner? Has she fallen on your charm yet?”

“Ah, I don’t want to jinx it, but it is looking good, young squire” his hand brings the lip of his glass to his lips before asking, “And your handsome King? Has he fallen _onto your charm_?” 

Looking down to his sneakers, the raven haired man replies, “Not at the moment” Being in this time has proven to be much more understanding of people like Merlin. People who enjoy the company of their own gender. Coming out has been an internal struggle for Merlin, but here, in this bar, with these people, his confidence has soared.

“I told you that I would play a part in making him jealous” at this Tommy wiggles his eyebrows.

“It worked for me,” Felicity joins in, walking over to hug Merlin in welcome. “Drove Oliver insane just as we planned all along” she cackles. 

Being at Milligan’s, knowing that there were more lovely people in this time who face similar struggles and triumphs as his group of friends is a great comfort to Merlin. The amiable faces all around offer support and advice in many ways as they’ve come to know and trust each other. And should a face come in whose general character seems of the unpleasant sort, his new friends are quick to warn him that caution is the best approach. 

“I have a special song choice for tonight. I worked it out with Caitlin and Morgana’s help actually. If that doesn't work then I’ll reconsider your offer,” a sly smirk takes over Merlin's face as he begins to back away from the two, headed for his table. He calls back to them, “ you'd better up your offer. Gabe said he'd show me a _heavenly_ time!” 

His friends' laughter fades into the background as he sits beside Arthur once again. 

“What did Gabe say to you?” Arthur asks with a smile as he takes his beer from the arms of his most trusted friend. 

“The lady of ice does it again!” Adam calls out. Without replying, Merlin looks back toward the stage, peeling his eyes away from the beautiful smile lighting up Arthur’s entire face. “Next up is the ever handsome Merlin” That’s his cue. Downing the shot of vodka in front of him, Merlin stands to the cheers of his family egging him on. Arthur gives a catcall, as does Morgana, the siblings coming together at every opportunity to embarrass him in the most loving way possible.

“Hello, everyone. I don't usually do this but after conferring with,” he pauses for dramatic effect as he looks around the crowd, hand on his forehead to block the spotlight ever present illuminating the stage for the judgement of all, “everyone here. How did you all think this was a good idea? Anyway, you all informed me that this is the quickest way to the heart of my love, so here goes nothing. Please enjoy. And if you don't like it then you can certainly shove it” 

After another round of laughter, a slow melody begins to pour from the speakers. Blue eyes look down to the microphone before beginning, almost tentatively, “When all the world is spinning ‘round , Like a red balloon way up in the clouds, And my feet will not stay on the ground, You anchor me back down”

_“Merlin, start a fire, would you?” the bark of the tree he leans against is cutting his back where his tunic is torn, but Merlin cannot seem to care. He and Arthur have just survived an ambush of common ruffians while out for a hunt. Usually they would have been fine, but under the circumstances, Arthur being knocked out momentarily by a strong hit from behind and Merlin being overtaken by two men at once, and they’d been lucky to scare them all off._

_Scaring them off had more to do with Merlin's magic violently shocking out of him in a wave of pain that struck each of the standing thieves. In awe of his glowing eyes and low mumbling the men had run for the hills, as it were. This was good for Merlin because he could now freely help Arthur, but it was bad for Arthur who was looking wide-eyed at his most trusted companion who had scared off five men in a single blow._

_Now they had been sat in silence for what felt like ages as Arthur leaned against the tree directly across from Merlin’s own._

_“Arthur,” Merlin began as he hesitatingly moved to stand. “I can explain if you just-“_

_His words are cut off as Arthur holds up a hand. “Don’t move,” at Merlin’s return to his seat Arthur continues, “Start the fire from there”_

_Nervously Merlin does as he is told. The inquisitive stare turns from Merlin’s golden eyes to the red flames between them. A minute passes, five minutes, ten minutes before Arthur speaks again._

_“Do you enjoy Camelot?” he asks, gaze remaining steadfast on the flames._

_“Yes, sire” Merlin answers without hesitation._

_“Do you enjoy working in the Castle?”_

_“Yes, sire”_

_“Do you- do you enjoy working for me?” finally his blue eyes glance up to meet Merlin’s across the fire that separates them._

_“Absolutely” Merlin gazes back across the flames. Arthur must believe that he does. Every moment is spent in his company. Not just when he’s on duty, but in the little moments in between when he’s allowed to eat or when he has a modicum of free time. The only place Merlin ever wants to be, ever feels complete and happy is beside Arthur._

_“Who else knows of your,” Arthur glances around in case a thief may still be around after all this time, “knows of this thing you do?”_

_Here Merlin feels conflicted. Surely he can trust Arthur with the knowledge of his two companions. But what if he cannot? What if Arthur burns them all on the same pyre to conserve wood._

_No that isn’t something Arthur would do. He’s too caring for any of that. He is Merlin’s friend. He can always trust Arthur. But if that were true, he thinks to himself, then why hadn’t he told Arthur before now. Deciding to trust his friend Merlin answers, “Gaius and Lancelot. Gaius is like a father to me and Lancelot caught me during a quest we were on”_

_Nodding his head in resolution Arthur declares, “No one else shall know Merlin. If we’re to keep you safe then you must be more careful than this”_

Nervously Merlin glances around the room trying to look anywhere but at Arthur. Arthur, whose eyes are too expressive, especially to Merlin. Would Arthur know that Merlin loves him down to the last fibers of his soul? Know that he’s been in love since Camelot? “I am nearly world renowned, As a restless soul who always skips town, But I look for you to come around, And anchor me back down” 

_Four small walls set inside the last empty guest room in the castle. This is the last place anyone will seek him out. On the floor, in the back corner, arms folded around upturned knees, held tight to his body, head down in misery, Merlin sobs. His shoulders shake with the need to expend his sadness._

_It’s silly. This is silly. Merlin should be happy. He should be overjoyed at the union of two friends he has come to know and love with his whole heart. This is not how it should be. Merlin should not be here blubbering like a child who has lost his favorite toy. Arthur was never his._

_There are no memories of soft embraces, no declarations of deep affection. Arthur has never given any indication that he cares for Merlin more than a constant companion. Had he a pet, Merlin wouldn’t even be needed. But he has no pet. Merlin has been the one to lick at his heels for the last five years. He feels stupid and heartbroken._

_He knows that men cannot love other men. Cannot show the type of affection brimming over the edge of Merlin’s heart. They cannot hold each other in the twilight the way those in marriage do._

_This is wrong. Merlin should leave. Yes. Arthur is safe now. He has united the kingdom. Camelot has been quiet for some time now. Yes. Merlin will leave. Wiping the tears from his cheek Merlin begins the tedious task of standing._

_Once out of the closet, Merlin heads for the back exit. Many twists and turns later he is just outside the castle when he hears a shout from behind him. “Merlin!” calls the man of his dreams and it takes everything in him not to begin crying again because this is Arthur’s wedding day. Jogging to his position, Arthur turns Merlin to glance at him from head to toe._

_“Where did you disappear to? Gwen and I have been looking for you” the bright smile on his face knocks Merlin to the core. What was he thinking? How could he think of leaving Arthur alone?_

_“I just- needed some air” Merlin lies haltingly, hoping that Arthur doesn’t notice his puffy eyes._

_If Arthur does notice he doesn’t say anything about it. “Come on then. No best mate of mine will miss my reception. Today we’ll have the good wine” he laughs, leading Merlin with a hand on his lower back._

 

“There are those who think that I’m strange. They would box me up and tell me to change, But you hold me close and softly say, That you wouldn’t have me any other way” 

_Angrily he looks down to his shirt as he steps inside the apartment and remembers the passive aggressive remarks of his neighbor Mark while staring at the blood stained there. With this in mind he marches to his bedroom across the small apartment that he and Arthur rent together. Fingering the end of the shirt for a minute, it’s lifted up and over his head before he crosses the threshold inside._

_Finding a crumbled black t-shirt instead to put on, he begins to gather the rest of his things. It seems that he is destined to be an outcast in every life that he leads. Not only was he jeered and ridiculed in Camelot for being different; poor. Here he is called the same names, given slight variation by the Americans. Nothing about Merlin will ever be good enough for them. For anyone. How is it possible that his soul is meant to grow lonely and despaired throughout all of time?_

_It’s easy to forget his strange ways when in the face of his friends, but often this is not enough. His mates all live the same strong lives as they always have. Morgana is strong, sure, and beautiful. Confident in her magic, she has bridged the distance between Gwen and Arthur both. Now married to Sir Leon she has a bright future ahead. Gwen and Lancelot have found love and acceptance with each other and his other Knights are all finding happiness. Everyone except for Merlin._

_“Merlin,” Arthur hesitantly calls from the doorway._

_Ignoring his friend, he continues to throw his belongings into a box. Merlin, who is odd. Who cares for men. Whose neighbor has found out and named him a great many things more explicit and disgusting than just odd and a freak. It’s new that someone has made preconceived notions of him based on reasons other than his magic, but there it is._

_“Merlin, please. Tell me what’s happened” Arthur tries again from the doorway, too hesitant to step inside. Does Arthur know? No, that’s impossible. But what if it isn’t._

_“I’m leaving Arthur. I’m done being here and being different,” another shirt thrown in the box, “I can’t live this way anymore!” His entire sock drawer is empties next then haphazardly thrown to his mattress. Merlin is done being different. He doesn’t want to be this way anymore._

_“Merlin, what? I don’t understand. Who has harmed you?” the sleeve of Arthur’s hoodie slides down his arm as it raises to clasp Merlin’s shoulder halting his movements all together. Heaving breaths rush to escape his chest as he turns to stare at Arthur’s pleading eyes. “Tell me who did this to you right now Merlin. I will kill them” a gentle hand brushes the bruise encompassing his left eye._

_“Arthur,” Merlin sobs as he falls into his friends arms. Arthur clutches him tightly, soothingly stroking his hair. “I’m different, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to be this way, Arthur…I don’t…” he cries into the red fabric._

_“I like you because you’re different, Merlin” Arthur says calmly. “Who has said any different? If this is about your magic and you truly don’t feel safe here then we’ll leave together”_

_Softly Merlin shakes his head. “It isn’t about the magic. Arthur,” and just like the moment in those woods a lifetime ago Merlin summons all of his courage to say, “Arthur, I … I like men” The betrayal and the judgement never comes. Arthur holds Merlin tighter to himself._

_“I’m very glad you told me, Merlin”_

Turning to gaze straight at Arthur, Merlin can see the curiosity churning in his mind as he listens intently. “When people pin me as a clown, You behave as though I’m wearing a crown,” 

_“ Hello your highness,” Merlin greets the young king next to him on the late bench. “Has the queen not picked you up yet?”_

_His seven year old student shakes his head sadly. Tony's mother has been late to pick him up all week because of a new job. Turning to the security guard Merlin asks, “Do you mind if we wait for Cynthia in the courtyard?” The security guard wordlessly stands to join them outside and this is how Arthur finds him fifteen minutes later._

_Merlin is chasing Tony shouting, “I'll make you a toad yet!” while waving his plastic sorcerer's wand at the young lad._

_“Precious isn't it?” A brunette woman asks next to Arthur just outside the school gate._

_Arthur smiles at her in reply, “the big one is mine. Which one is yours?” he jokes._

_“The little Prince,” she smiles. “I got here five minutes ago but he insisted that they finish their game and Mr. Emrys pleaded right along with him. He's brilliant with children. Do you both have any?”_

_The question surprised Arthur a bit, but he wasn't opposed to the idea. “Not yet. First I have to ask him to be my Prince”_

Arthur leans over to speak to Gwen. When she answers a bright smile comes over his features. “When I’m lost I feel so very found, When you anchor me back down”

_“Morgana, I have school in the morning” Merlin slurs trying to get out of clubbing on a Thursday night._

_“Merlin, If you don't come then Arthur will be insufferable all night. Really, we need you there” she smiles sipping on her wine at the kitchen island._

_“I resent the implication!” Arthur mockingly glares her direction. Putting his empty bottle next to the sink for disposal later, Arthur wraps one of Merlin's arms over his shoulder hauling him to his feet. “Sorry Morgs but we have school tomorrow and I'm the designated driver” after the third step with Merlin tripping over his own foot, Arthur lifts his mate bridal style to carry him across the hall to their apartment._

_Nuzzling his head into Arthur's chest, Merlin sighs contentedly, “thank you,” he breathes between them._

Merlin's mouth turns down into a frown as he sees Arthur patting down his pockets in search of something before he abruptly stands and slips out of the bar. “When all the world is spinning ‘round, Like a red balloon way up in the clouds, And my feet will not stay on the ground, You anchor me back down” he finishes withlittle flourish. 

Stepping down off stage to the sound of applause Merlin heads to his table. “What happened to Arthur?” he asks Gwen. 

“He forgot something in the car. Why don’t you go see if he needs some help finding it?” she replies with a smile. “Your song was really beautiful, Merlin” her hand finds Merlin’s arm and squeezes briefly.

“Thanks” he pats her hand once before pulling away. “I’m going to find Arthur” 

Walking past the Flash's table Merlin smiles and waves to Caitlin has just finished threatening Barry’s boyfriend with a sharp snowflake. Merlin can hear Len laugh as he moves along toward the door. He says congratulations to Sam as he gets outside where Sam and Dean are discussing something about children. 

Rounding their shared car, Merlin can see Arthur leaning into the passenger’s seat. “Everything okay here?” he asks. 

Arthur is startled into a jump, smacking his head into the top of the door frame. “Shit!” He mumbles. Backing out of the car and closing the door, hand gently rubbing his head, “Hey, Merlin. Sorry, I missed the end of your song”

Smirking sadly to himself, “That’s all right. It wasn’t that great anyway” the toe of his shoe scuffs at the small rocks on the pavement, eyes downcast. 

“Well,” Arthur jokes, “you did sound a bit like a dragon whose got a sheep stuck in their throat” 

Chuckling, Merlin looks up, “don’t I just?” 

“You do. It was magnificent” he smiles. His smile turns tentative a moment later as he asks, “so, you sang that for … for a lad that you care for?”  
Another rock is kicked to the side, rolling under the car’s tire “Yeah, it was for him” 

“Merlin, I… I want to tell you that I’ve been thinking a lot. Lately. And I don’t want to wait another second. We’ve been together for two lifetimes now. There are many things the same in both, you’re still my most trusted companion, but there is one difference that I can no longer ignore” with determination he continued his speech. Merlin looked aghast, and frightened, and even curious. “In our last life, Camelot, though I love her dearly, was not as… progressive as this one. Within her walls I kept a secret from you. One that I was afraid would end our friendship,”

“Arthur, nothing could ever-“ Merlin began immediately only to be cut off by Arthur holding up a hand for silence. 

“In Camelot, it was unheard of for magic users to reside inside her walls. It was banned as evil, but you helped me to see how beautiful it truly is. The way that you can move so gracefully and yet be so clumsy is truly a feat” he chuckles briefly before becoming serious again. “It was also seen as impure for a man to fancy another man” 

Both of Merlin’s arms moved to hold himself tight as if Arthur’s words had physically threatened him. Merlin has those thoughts now as he did in Camelot. Is this the rejection he’s finally going to face?

“Merlin, I used to believe that. Believe that there was something wrong with people who felt that way. Something wrong…with me. But then you arrived and just like with magic you showed me how beautiful it was to be in love,” looking over Merlin’s shoulder then back to his dumbstruck expression, “I have been in love with you since you first showed me your magic under those trees. Probably even before then. I don’t want to waste another second wondering if you could ever feel the same”

Without the ability to breathe Merlin nods his head numbly. Has he died on the way outside? Was there a gas leak and this is a very vivid coma dream? That’s what happened in Lost so it must be happening now, right? “Yes. Yes I do Arthur. I never thought…that you…”

With a thousand watt smile Arthur kneels down right next to his car, outside Milligan’s bar, with Sam and Dean watching from the doorway. “Merlin Emrys, I don’t want to waste another second, in any lifetime, being away from you. Would you do me the honor of being my husband?”

**Author's Note:**

> Anchor by Mindy Gledhill


End file.
